BOUNDARIES SESSION 02 NOTES
This semester in Group focuses on the topic of relational boundaries. Our special guest is Rick Presley, LCMFT.
1. What are boundaries?
- DEFINITION OF BOUNDARIES: Boundaries, in a broad sense, are the lines or things that mark a LIMIT, BOUND, or BORDER. In a PSYCHOLOGICAL SENSE, boundaries are the realization of our own person apart from others. This sense of separateness forms the basis of personal identity.
- It says WHAT WE ARE and what we are not,
- What we will CHOOSE and what we will not choose,
- What we will ENDURE and what we will not,
- What we FEEL and what we will not feel,
- What we LIKE and what we do not like,
- What we WANT and what we do not want.
- BOUNDARIES, IN SHORT, DEFINE US: In the same way that a physical boundary defines where a property line begins and ends, a psychological and spiritual boundary defines who we are and who we are not.
- BOUNDARIES AND IDENTITY
- PURPOSE: Boundaries are what give us a sense of purpose and direction.
- A ‘PROPERTY LINE’: Their purpose is to help us know what we are responsible for and what we are not responsible for.
- FUNCTION OF BOUNDARIES:
- Keep good in and bad out
- Act as an alarm system
- Help us to withdraw
- Protect our freedom
- Trying harder, being nicer, and taking responsibility for others doesn’t make our lives work better.
- LEVELS OF BOUNDARIES: There are three levels of boundaries…
- Limited Contact
- No Contact
2. Give us some SIMPLE EXAMPLES of boundaries?
- EXAMPLES OF BOUNDARIES INCLUDE:
- Words (truth)
- Geographical distance
- Emotional distance
- Other people
3. Give us some RELATIONAL EXAMPLES of boundaries?
4. What happens if we DON’T set boundaries?
- 3 AREAS OF BAD FRUIT: A lack of boundaries produces a variety of bad fruit. These show up in three main areas of life:
- CLINICAL SYMPTOMS include depression, resentment, rage or anger, and obsessive and compulsive behaviors.
- RELATIONAL SYMPTOMS stem from a sense of loss of freedom and loss of love.
- FUNCTIONAL SYMPTOMS include inability to complete a goal or task, extreme disorganization, low energy level, and problems of concentration.