BOUNDARIES: WHY BOUNDARIES?

GROUP SESSION CONVERSATION GUIDE

 

1.  Aren’t boundaries rooted in our EGO, or our SELFISHNESS?

 

  • GOD’S IMAGE IN YOU:  God created you in His image and after His likeness. This image and likeness is at a spirit/heart level of being. This is where you possess the divine image of God in you. The question is, “Should it be a priority to respect it and honor the HEART and the grace of God in you?”

 

  • INJUSTICE AND THE HEART:  When you see injustice, the experience impacts the heart of the one being violated and the heart of the one who witnessed it. God designed the heart is to be respected and honored. We are admonished to take responsibility for our own heart, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (PROVERBS 4:23).” When someone is violated in heart, it isn’t just done to them it impacts us all.

 

  • ILLUSTRATION BIRTHDAY CAKE:  Birthday cake carriers protect the flame with one hand shielding the flame so it doesn’t go out. The flame is hot, but it’s fragile.
    • REFLECTIVE INSTINCT:  There is a reflective instinct that compels us to protect the image of God in us
    • LESS COMPASSION:  You will have far less compassion and empathy to help others if your own flame is disrespected
    • RIGHTEOUS NEED:  When somebody assaults your dignity, the base note is the righteous need to respect the image of God and His grace in everyone, which begins with you and me protecting our own hearts.

 

  • THE END OF BOUNDARIES:  If I am the end of all the purpose of boundaries, then they are bound at the root of our ego, not the compassion of others. Otherwise we sound like little kids controlling others.

 

  • 100% OF YOU:  We need 100% of you to touch the world. You are the steward of you.

 

  • LOW VIEW OF SELF:  A low view of Self is a low view of the God’s image and grace in you.

 

2.  What are some more REDEEMING QUALITIES that boundaries provide?

 

LAWS OF BOUNDARIES

  • The Law of Sowing and Reaping: We are personally responsible for our own actions and consequences of those actions.
  • The Responsibility ‘for’ and ‘to’ Law: We are responsible for our own feelings, actions, and behaviors. When we take responsibility for someone else, we keep them in an immature state.
  • The Law of Power and Powerlessness: We cannot change anybody else, but we can change ourselves with God’s help.
  • The Law of Receiving Others’ Boundaries: We need to learn to hear other people’s no.
  • The Law of Motivation: Boundaries help us gain control of our own lives and fulfill what we were created for – love. When we have the proper motivation we experience freedom and responsibility.
  • The Law of Evaluation: Evaluating the Pain Caused by Your Boundaries: There is a difference between hurt and harm. Just because someone is screaming and crying doesn’t mean something bad is happening!
  • The Law of Proactive Versus Reactive Boundaries: Proactive means freely choosing to love, enjoy, and serve one another. Reactive means letting someone else define and direct who we are and what we do.
  • The Law of Envy: Envy is seeing the good as that which we do not have. Happiness is found in what you have, not what you do not have. The best antidote to envy is gratitude.
  • The Law of Activity: Boundaries are created in our lives when we do something. We must take the initiative and accept the responsibility for our feelings, attitudes, and behaviors.
  • The Law of Exposure: Internal boundaries need to be evident and communicated to others.

 

3.  What is the difference in clarifying BOUNDARIES and building WALLS?

  • Boundaries protect for nurture. Walls isolate to hardness.
Patrick NorrisComment