BOUNDARIES: MYTHS AND WHAT BOUNDARIES ARE NOT
GROUP SESSION CONVERSATION GUIDE
Nine common myths that a boundary-setting person may encounter are identified and refuted. Review these myths:
- “I’M BEING SELFISH.” When I say no or set a limit “I’m being selfish.” (There is a difference between being selfish and being self-centered).
- “I’M BEING DISOBEDIENT IF I SAY NO.” (We are accountable to God, not people).
- “IF I SET LIMITS, I’M GOING TO LOSE LOVE OR BE HURT.” (Fear of being abandoned, yet living without boundaries, usually means we aren’t really connected to others).
- “IF I SET BOUNDARIES, I WILL HURT OTHERS.” (Boundaries are defensive tools, they protect us – our intention is important).
- “BOUNDARIES MEAN I’M ANGRY.” (Actually, boundaries help us to be less angry).
- “WHEN OTHERS SET BOUNDARIES, IT INJURES ME.” (Relationships consist of a balance of togetherness and separateness, in that order).
- “BUT THEY’VE DONE SO MUCH FOR ME.” Setting a boundary makes me feel guilty or bad. “But they’ve done so much for me.” (Love is a free gift without a price tag or I.O.U).
- “BOUNDARIES ARE PERMANENT.” (Boundaries are always open to change by the boundary setter).
- “I USE BOUNDARIES TO CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE.” (Boundaries are to guard your heart, soul and psychological health. They are never weapons to manipulate or control. Boundaries are to protect your health, not to punish others. The consequences are to move you towards health so you can love and serve better. The consequences are not to make them be or do anything. Boundaries are not a shift of power and control.)