GROUP SESSION CONVERSATION GUIDE
1. Let’s first talk about how great it is to grow in understanding and execution of boundaries.
Growth in boundaries means growth in…
- Emotional Intelligence
- Social Intelligence
2. So, we will face resistance to boundaries. What are some external examples?
If it was easy you would have already done it. In moving toward recovery or growth, we will always encounter some resistance. This resistance will either come from external or internal sources.
EXTERNAL RESISTANCE SOURCES:
- GUILT: it is common for someone to try to make us feel guilty about saying no or setting a limit.
- ANGER: A natural outcome of beginning the boundary process – we need connections with God and others to handle it, and we must actively set limits upon it. Proverbs 19:19
- COUNTER-MOVES OR CONSEQUENCES: If you do that I will do (______)
- PHYSICAL: Use available resources to deal with it; be empowered to confront it; do not be subdued into ‘submission’ to it.
- PAIN OF OTHERS (REAL OR ENTITLED): Others’ pain can cloud our judgment and we may be tempted to rescue. Evaluate your motives and the other’s pain.
- BLAME: Often people blame us if we won’t rescue them out of the consequence of their own behavior.
- REAL NEEDS: We are not God. We have limited resources. We are not able to meet everyone’s needs. What can you realistically do?
- FORGIVENESS: Forgive others for not giving us what we may want.
3. What are some internal examples of resistance?
INTERNAL RESISTANCE SOURCES:
We need to make sure we are giving because we “want” to, not because we feel we “have” to.
- UNMET NEEDS: Take ownership for these needs - and allow God to fill you, or get your needs met from healthy relationships.
- UNRESOLVED GRIEF: It is hard to make right choices when you are experiencing loss or grief. Identify it and work through it.
- INTERNAL FEARS OF ANGER: Does someone’s anger make you fearful?
- FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN: Take a leap of faith to face the uncertainties of tomorrow.
- UNFORGIVENESS: You must forgive others to be free
- EXTERNAL FOCUS: Blaming someone else instead of accepting personal responsibility keeps you trapped.
- GUILT: Do not let guilt messages control you. Be discerning as to its source.
- ABANDONMENT ISSUES: Fear of someone leaving you.
4. What do we do when we face resistance to our boundaries?
- Boundaries are just a good idea until they are enforced - “My spouse won’t respect my boundaries.”
- Implementing boundaries will take work; but once you do, you will experience a newfound freedom in your relationships and your life.